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5 Things To Let Go After Divorce
You can move forward after divorce to be happier than you were before, but you won’t get there very fast if you are carrying lots of rocks in your rucksack. So just let go.
Divorce is a complicated legal and emotional battle, especially if you have children with your ex. There are many transitional stages to go through to empty the rocks one by one from your rucksack to lighten the load.
What people often don’t realise is that divorce is an ongoing transition, that’s why you need a divorce coach! It can be the case that repetition occurs in certain things that you promised yourself, it never would. To stop these rocks from weighing you down, here are 5 of those things:
Anger
After divorce you have two choices (a) remain focused on the past or (b) let it go. Focus instead on a happy future. Your future is bright and your divorce has played a part in putting you on the road to rediscovering yourself. This is a big step for a lot of people who aren’t great at letting go of anger or forgiving. It can be a struggle to have positive thoughts at a precarious time in your life. Try to constantly remind yourself that your future is bright and in part, it is a result of your divorce story. Reshifting of focus allows you to let that anger go.
While anger is a natural emotion, learning how to manage it as you navigate divorce is crucial to moving on and taking your life back. Although it takes time to traverse, the road to recovery is easily started. Anger is a thief! Don’t let it rob you of your chance to move on. Be the person you have always wanted to be, work hard to maintain the things you love. Don’t let anger take them away.
– Deborah Reber
Heartbreak
Your heart may have been broken, but you are worthy of finding love again with someone who will reciprocate your love. After divorce there is usually at least one broken heart, even if the other moved on quickly. The one that loved and lost, the one that still secretly hopes for a change of heart or reconnection with an ex spouse.
Heartbreak after divorce is a profound and complex emotional experience that can leave a person feeling shattered and adrift. The end of a marriage represents the death of a significant partnership and the dissolution of shared dreams and plans for the future. It’s not just the loss of a spouse, but often the loss of identity, security, and stability. At the core of heartbreak after divorce lies grief. It’s the mourning of what once was and what could have been. There’s a sense of emptiness and loneliness that can be overwhelming. The familiar rhythms of daily life are disrupted, and there’s a struggle to find meaning and purpose again.
This “love” you think you have for your ex is most likely not going to reignite, so you really need to learn to let this go. In all relationships why would you wish to be with someone, who doesn’t wish you to be with you? The answer is you shouldn’t, because out there, are seven billion more people you can meet, who want you, for you! So let your love go and focus on the new things after divorce.
Sadness
Sadness can come and go like waves during and after your divorce journey. You will face feelings of grief, failure and uncertainty. All these emotions are normal, so cry, scream when you need to. Go for a walk, a run. Do something that makes you happy after divorce. Surround yourself with people you can trust and who genuinely care about you. Don’t let the sadness consume you, don’t hold it in, just let it go and make the choice of seeking happiness again. Actions will change thoughts.
Surround yourself with people who genuinely care, read a book, go on a trip, try to let the sadness leave you. Make the daily choice of find positive experiences and those negative emotions will fade, it’s always possible. Things can always get better, everyone can be happy and happier after their divorce, but if you carry too much weight, after the fact, this will continue to weigh you down.
“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
– Shannon L. Adler
Injustice
We all can struggle with feelings of injustice during and after divorce. Our thoughts are dominated by how we’ve been treated unfairly by the judicial system. Your ex lied and cheated, yet carry on without an ounce of remorse. They didn’t declare financial statements, proclaiming to be hard up, yet they are enjoying all of life’s luxuries. It’s infuriating and you want to scream, “This is so wrong!”.
Ultimately, for your own wellbeing and as hard as it may be, you must let go. Focus on yourself, what you are in control of. You have the power to change your life! Concentrate on you, the here and now, today, tomorrow. The very best thing you can do to let go after divorce, is to accept and let it be. Life after a divorce for a woman and men can be daunting but letting go, is also part of moving forward. The emotional toll from a divorce will affect everyone involved, from feelings of vilification to an erosion of trust. Even questioning the very person that you knew.
After Divorce
Acceptance
As I have mentioned, it is normal to feel upset at the end of a relationship and in fact it is a necessary part of the healing process. You will take one step forward and two steps back. Try not to set too many goals for yourself, but enjoy the journey moving forward. The difference between expectations and reality, is often disappointing. You can take the time to get to know yourself again and learn to be happy in your own company. Expect to work and focus on yourself daily. Love yourself. Get in touch and start your new life!
