After Divorce Do Us Part
Although studies vary, divorce research has shown that almost 60% of men & over 45% of women will cheat at some point in their marriages.
Affairs affect 1 in every 2.7 couples, which is almost 1/3 of us all. The toughest ordeal in a break-up of a marriage is dealing with a partner’s affair. Sadly, most people divorce because there is another person involved and very few people leave a long established relationship to be on their own. They leave to be with another person and the different way of life that they offer.
Many partners who wander will deny the truth and continue with the deceit for as long as they can get away with it. With time, lies get easier and will just roll off the tongue. This causes uncertainty and confusion in the faithful partner and can leave them feeling a sense of guilt, especially when their cheating partner is incandescent about the way they are being interrogated.
To be left for someone else and lied to in the process is deeply humiliating and the feeling of betrayal is huge. It is not easy to explain the catastrophic emotions you go through. Your life is turned upside down. Not only is your relationship over but you are having to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions such as shock, jealousy, heartache and deep sadness, to name but a few. How will you trust anyone ever again? What will the ramifications be for your children, family and friends. You feel like such a fool.
At the same time, you have so many questions going round and round in your mind like a hamster wheel. You would like answers, but you doubt the answers will be the truth because the jilter has lied about so much for a long period of time.
Why does divorce involve affairs?
There are many reasons why people have affairs and no two reasons are the same as relationships are unique.
The reasons can be one or more of the following:
- They feel stuck in a rut
- They are worried about ageing
- A set of circumstances occurred and they went along with it
- They have already experienced divorce and are damaged as a result
- They no longer communicate with their current partner
- They see the affair as a form of escape from the stress of personal or professional problems
- Their ego is always open to flattery and attention.
- They do not consider the consequences of their actions
- They believe the grass is greener elsewhere and are bored with the existing relationship
- They do not think the affair will be discovered
- They enjoy the chase and the element of novelty
- They feel that they can re-live the excitement of their youth
- They wonder if there is more to life
- They already want to divorce their partner
Affairs are devastating and create chaos and destruction. Relationships are based on trust and mutual respect both of which are completely destroyed when one party has an affair. I believe that a relationship can never get back to what it once was after an affair. The chain of trust has been broken. That being said, if my client and their partner feel that the relationship is worth salvaging as there is too much at stake to lose, then who am I to judge. However, if the reason is purely because of the powerful emotion of fear of being alone, then this is definitely not a good reason to take a partner back.
Deciding to divorce or not has to be the right decision for YOU. Do not allow others to influence your decision one way or another. Be honest with yourself and take your time. Communication is key. To find the legal divorce papers or start the process of divorce online, click here.
“If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping.”– Mignon Mclaughlin
Accepting the outcome
Discuss where you feel there are discrepancies in the marriage. Talk about how you have got to this point in the relationship. Get all of your grievances out in the open in order to rebuild solid foundations again. Learn to enjoy each other’s company by taking up a new hobby together and going on dates as a couple. If you come to the decision that you deserve better and the relationship is truly over then the process of healing can truly begin. Be comforted in the knowledge that as one door closes, another one opens and when it does, your life will be even better than it was before.
In addition to the legal and emotional challenges you will be faced with when considering divorce or separation, figuring out your finances can be a very daunting task. This link provides a range of information and practical tools to help you assess your financial situation, provide specific online divorce help and find out what support you and your children are entitled to. Don’t forget to check out other important articles about the outcomes of divorce like ‘How Can My Ex Move On So Quickly?‘ and ‘The Children of Divorce‘.