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The Winner Takes It All, Don’t They?

The Winner Takes It All by ABBA is one of the most heartbreaking songs of all time and one which I listened to (sadly) on many occasions when going through the divorce.

(I’m not keen on taking ownership of the word ‘divorce’ with the possessive adjective ‘my’).

It was written by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus who has denied that the song is about his and group member Agnetha’s divorce. He has said that “It’s about divorce in general and the emotions that go with it. It’s about the experience of a divorce, but it’s fiction. There wasn’t a winner or a loser.”

UNDERSTANDING THE LYRICS

“I’ve played all my cards
& that’s what you’ve done too.
Nothing more to say.
No more ace to play.

The winner takes it all.
The loser’s standing small.
Beside the victory,
that’s her destiny.”

Divorce isn’t about winners and losers in any case. It’s about working out a way to handle the separation with dignity and compassion and minimising the disruption to your children.

It’s not about victory. The key is to move forward with positivity and optimism. Perhaps some gauge ‘winning’ by deeming that they received the lion’s share from the division of assets, etc…Divorce is not just about the cash. Of course emotional wellbeing rises with income, but being wealthy does not guarantee happiness. Money can buy happiness, but only up to a point. There are many who are tremendously wealthy, yet entirely unhappy.

The legal and financial side of divorce is a clinical process which one has to go through to reach the end goal. Most neglect to deal with the emotional side which is fundamental to a person living life to the full, feeling happy and not just existing.

Support & Dignity

Divorce coaches provide a high level of emotional support to get individuals through the grief of the breakdown of a relationship. It’s a challenging time reflecting on the years of marriage, who you are and want you want from life? One can feel depressed, under-confident and this has a huge impact on one’s very being. With the right tools one is able to move on more quickly and of course this is hugely valuable and beneficial to the quality of life.

If anyone is a winner, it’s the person that divorces with dignity, learns to let go of the past and creates an exciting new future. It’s not about victory. We are masters of our own destiny and so positivity and optimism is key in moving forward.

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